Can You Ask For Too Much In An Indiana Divorce?

Many participating in an Indiana divorce are scared to ask the court for "too much." They are often afraid that they will be perceived as greedy or not cooperative with the other side. This is especially true concerning access to children or requesting maintenance or an unequal division of the marital estate.

However, if the request can be supported by evidence and law, then the request is not "too much." The judge in a divorce makes certain presumptions concerning parenting time, custody, and division of the marital estate. The judge considers a request for spousal maintenance based on certain statutory and case law factors. If these requests are supported, then they cannot be too much. 

It is not a question of making the judge angry or making the judge look down on you. The judge assumes that a case winds up in his or her court because the parties cannot agree. The judge's job is to hear both sides and determine which request is more reasonable or to fashion his or her own reasonable decision.

Deciding what to request from an Indiana family law court is a strategic decision that must be made between you and your attorney. This family court decision is based not only on what you are more likely to be awarded, but also what in fact you require to be awarded. If there are legitimate and supportable concerns for your request for a specific custody or parenting time schedule, then those concerns must be brought to the court's attention. If there are specific and supportable reasons for your request for an unequal division of the marital estate or for temporary or permanent spousal maintenance, then those requests should be presented to the judge.

The strategic decision of what requests to present to the court and how to present them is a combination of your needs and your attorney's experience. This should be an ongoing discussion throughout your case and not a hurried decision reached either in the very first meeting or in the last meeting before trial or mediation.

To arrange a strategic review of your situation, whether it is an initial divorce or paternity action or a modification of an existing order, please see our CONTACT page to arrange a strategic review consultation at one of our several locations, at a location that can be arranged with you, or by telephone. As a Hamilton County family law attorney, I appeared in court in almost half of Indiana counties. This experience will be used to fashion an effective and efficient strategy focused on your goals as well as the overall needs of your family.

Indiana Family Law: Does The Judge Care If You Are A Good Parent?

Indiana family law covers divorce, paternity, custody, and parenting time. When a family law judge is considering issues of who should get custody or how parenting time should be modified, that decision is covered by certain statutory factors. In other words, the legislature has specified what the court must consider in deciding custody and parenting time modification cases. The factors are listed in IC 31-17-2-21 and 31-17-2-8 for divorces and IC 31-14-13-6 and 31-14-13-2 for paternity cases.

Interestingly enough, "the better parent" is not a factor.

So how do you show the judge that you are the better parent?

Saying things like “I love my children” or “I would do anything for my children” really does not work. The court assumes you love your children. The court assumes you will do anything for them.

What does work is developing a strategy of presenting the evidence all of your qualities as a parent within the factors listed in IC 31-17-2-8 or IC 31-14-13-6 as appropriate. This is more than simply getting on the witness stand and reciting the things you do with the children. It is also more than simply having your relatives and friends come to court and testify as to what a good parent they see you to be.

It is a strategic plan developed between you and your attorney at the beginning of the case and then modified and adjusted so that your most effective case is presented to the judge.

The judge will presume that both of you are good parents. The judge will decide the custody or parenting time decisions based on the facts of the evidence presented in court.

Some facts are cold hard numbers. The number of times you each take the children to doctor’s appointments. The number of times you each went to parent-teacher conferences. The number of times you each got into a shouting match in front of the children at parenting time exchanges. These are numbers that the judge can weigh and balance in reaching a decision on custody.

The emotional bond that you have with your children and that they have with you is not a number that can be placed on a sheet and handed in as an exhibit. It is a quality that must be communicated to the judge. This does not mean how many times you cry when you are testifying about your love for the children. It does not mean how outraged you are when you talk about how little the other parent cares for the children. It is a quality that is conveyed not only through the testimony at the final hearing but throughout the case in all matters.

A strategic approach to the development of your case must include an understanding that you wish to show the court exactly how you feel about your children and how they feel about you.

This is not something that is taught in a law school class.  I have spent over 20 years representing mothers, fathers, and sometimes grandparents in custody and parenting time cases in Hamilton County and central Indiana. For a strategic consultation review of your case, please use my CONTACT page. I will contact you within 24 hours to schedule a review at your convenience.

Hamilton County Family Lawyer: How To Talk With An Angry Co-Parent

Family law court orders will often include language like “parents will discuss” or “parents will agree on.” Family Court law court judges expect and anticipate that separated parents will discuss matters involving the children civilly and rationally. And the vast majority of people do this. Maybe not every single time. But enough that they do not have to go to court for every issue involving the children or money.

But what if your ex refuses to discuss issues in a civil matter?

My 20 years of experience in representing mothers and fathers in divorce and paternity cases is that these conversations sometimes go like this:

Parent A: I want to buy a unicorn for the children.

Parent B: That's a good idea. Let me think about it.

Parent A: You don't have to think about it. I've thought about it and it's a good idea.

Parent B: I just need some time to think about it and budget for it.

Parent A: You can afford it. Why are you trying to hurt your children like you always do?

And the argument begins ...

Or the conversation runs like this:

Parent A: I want to take the kids to Happy Expensive World with my parents. I will send you what your share is.

Parent B: We have not discussed this and I can't afford it. I'm not paying anything.

Parent A: Well if you can't afford Happy Expensive World, what do you suggest?

Parent B: I suggest nothing. How about that?

Parent A: A vacation for the children is a good idea. How much are you willing to contribute to that?

Parent B: A vacation maybe a good idea but I can't afford it.

Parent A: We're not discussing your finances. We're discussing vacation for the children.

Parent B: My finances are none of your business.

Parent A: well if you would stop wasting your money...

And the argument begins ...

These couples usually wind up in court.

Each parent expects the judge to tell the other parent why he or she is right.

The judge, however, has no desire to interfere in their communications. The judge’s interest is in whether the order is being followed.

When the judge sees a communication problem as demonstrated above, the judge will usually take steps to try to improve the communication process. This can include a Parenting Coordinator, communication therapy, classes, etc.

These cost both parents money. They have little chance of success unless both parents are committed to changing how they communicate. The judge now has the impression of two dickering parents as opposed to parents with legitimate disagreements.

So how do you communicate with the angry parent? Here are three tips that may help you. These tips are not guaranteed to make the communication easier. These are suggestions that may make it easier. They are also quite frankly suggestions that support your case if you have to go to family law court.

1. Have the communication in writing. There are hundreds of books on how to write these communications well. Most of them boil down to: state the issue clearly; state your position with as few adjectives as possible; state the other side’s position as clearly as possible with as few adjectives as possible.
2. Stay on topic. Whenever the other parent responds with something not relevant to the issue being discussed, ignore it. Look at the part of the response that is on topic and respond to that and to that only. You can send include a reference that you will respond to any other issues that were brought up in a separate line of communication.
3. Never respond emotionally. Emails and letters written in the heat of emotion almost always include angry or insulting language about the other parent. These emails and letters almost always find their way in front of the judge. Because judges expect people to communicate about their orders civilly, any indication that one of the parents is not communicating civilly may influence the judge that that parent is the problem. If you feel the need to vent your anger or point out all of the flaws in your ex, especially using very profane additives, then go ahead and write that letter or email but do not send it for 24 hours. Then go back, edit it, and edit out anything that looks insulting, has profanity, or is not relevant to the discussion, and then look at it again. Send it only when it is something that a judge would look at and think highly of you.

If you and your ex do have communication problems or cannot agree on how to execute an order of the court, a strategic meeting with a family law lawyer may be very beneficial. I have 20 years’ experience in advising parents in divorce and family law cases. I am also certified as a life coach so my strategic review can include advice on methods to avoid litigation as well as developing a strategic plan for the most efficient litigation, both of these to accomplish your overall goals. To schedule an initial strategic review, please use my CONTACT page and I will respond to you personally in 24 hours.

Hamilton County Family Law: What Else Can You Do Besides Complain?

Family law often has court orders that control your behavior or the behavior of your ex. However, no court order can control every imaginable behavior, whether good or bad. One of the most frustrating situations is when the other party violates a court order as you interpret it.

What else can you do besides complain to your friend about what your ex is doing?

Hamilton County family law courts are not the referees of your family arguments.  They are the enforcers of their orders. So the first question is whether your ex is merely annoying or is violating a court order.  If you and your family law lawyer decide that a violation has occurred, here are some pleadings that may get you relief.

One option and probably the most well-known it is a Petition for Contempt. This is a request to ask the court to find that your ex has violated a court order willingly and knowingly. You can ask for certain sanctions to discourage this kind of behavior. You can ask the court to order that your ex pay for your attorney’s fees which is a discouragement to continue that behavior.

Another option is a Motion to Compel. This is a request to order that your ex perform some specific act in the court order. For example, let's say that your ex was ordered to give you the family unicorn within 14 days. It’s been 6 months and the unicorn is still frolicking in your ex’s back yard. You’ve asked for it. You’ve tried to go get it. Not happening. You can ask the court to order that your ex provide it to you within a specific time or suffer specific sanctions.

Another pleading is a Request for an Injunction. This is usually requested when there is the possibility of immediate and irreparable harm that must be addressed. The harm can be to a person or a thing. Courts must act on a request for an injunction within days according to the Indiana trial rules. However, courts are not pleased when someone requests an injunction that is not in fact an emergency. This is a very serious pleading that has to be deeply considered before it is requested.  A petition for an Order of Protection is a special class of injunctions, with different and enhanced statutory penalties for violations.

CARTER LEGAL SERVICES LLC is experienced in seeking all of these and in defending them in Indiana family law courts throughout the state.  We together will review your situation and decide which is strategically best for you and your family, both short term and long term.  To schedule a strategic review, please our CONTACT page. I will call you back within 24 hours to schedule the review.

Why A Cheap Plea Deal May Be The Most Expensive Criminal Defense

Many people faced with their first criminal arrest are tempted to minimize their criminal defense costs. Sometimes this approach is to minimize the attorney fees by accepting a plea deal offered by the prosecutor. But this may turn out to be the most expensive course of action. I am a Hamilton County criminal defense attorney, but I have appeared in court in almost half of Indiana counties and have seen the range of approaches different prosecutors and Judges take toward different criminal cases.

It is natural to want to end litigation especially when you are the defendant in a criminal case. Criminal cases are stressful, embarrassing, and on a certain period in addition, defendants who must make the decision as to whether they are the state can prove that they committed a crime and what punishment should be inflicted. Many times people are focused on relieving this uncertainty by the sighting what their punishment will be rather than face the uncertainty of what a judge forgery will impose on them.

Plea deals are a necessary component of the criminal justice system. This blog post is not to say that plea deals by themselves are good or bad. However, a person who is confronted with a plea deal must evaluate the long term consequences of what they are pleading to.

Pleading to a traffic related offense can have severe financial consequences on your insurance rates. Leading to a felony can have severe consequences on future employment. Pleading guilty to certain crimes can have severe consequences on future child custody or parenting time modification request.

When charged with a crime and consulting with an attorney, the first evaluation of the defense strategy between you and your criminal defense attorney should be whether the charge can be dismissed or reduced based on the evidence supporting the charging information.

If you are charged with a crime, you can arrange a strategic review of your situation by using our Contact page. I am more than willing to represent you in your criminal case to achieve the best possible outcome for your situation by efficient and effective strategy focused on your goals in the criminal matter.

When Should I Modify Custody in Indiana?

One of the most frequent questions that parents have is when should they try to get custody of the kids back? Do they have to wait a certain period of time? Do they have to prove the other parent is "unfit" to get custody? When can they go to court for their children?

WHAT DO INDIANA FAMILY COURTS LOOK AT?

Indiana has a statutory framework for determining whether a custody modification is warranted.  This article is not legal advice on these statutes.  It is an approach for you to use to help you determine if a request to modify custody is appropriate in your situation.

Indiana requires a showing of a substantial change in in 1 or more of the factors used to make the initial custody determination. One important point to remember is that there is usually a presumption that the custodial parent will keep custody. A pleading to modify custody is NOT a "do over" of the initial (or last) custody. You need to consider THIS when trying to settle your divorce; i.e., that you cannot re-try the custody determination if you agree that the other parent should have custody.

HOW CAN I DECIDE WHEN TO MODIFY CUSTODY?

To decide if you should seek a custody modification, you should look at each factor, since that is what the Court will base its decision on.  But a quick way to analyze this is to look at 2 things: why the kids need to come OUT of the other parent’s house, and why your house is okay for the kids to go into to. That's pretty much it.  This simple 2 step formula is a good guide for your decision and for the preparation of your case.

Let's look at these individually. Step 1: why the kids need to come OUT of the other parent's house. This doesn't mean you have to prove the other parent is unfit, or make false allegations against him or her. But you must show that something in the other household has changed, and now your kids need to come out. It could be a new boyfriend in her household. It could be that his drinking has increased. It could be that your ex has moved frequently, or changed jobs frequently, or changed boyfriends or girlfriends frequently. But your focus for this step is what is going on in that other home, and why it's bad or harmful to the children. You don't need to wait for the kids to be harmed.

Step 2 is that your house is okay for the kids to come into. That means that you may need to clean up your act. Let's say that you prove that dad's drinking has increased, and the kids are threatened by it. But he shows that your pot smoking has never stopped. The Judge could easily decide to take the kids out of his house, but not put them with you. Now where are they? Or say you prove that her boyfriend has a violent temper, and the Judge decides to remove your kids from her. But the evidence shows that you have moved 6 times in 7 months, and have had 4 girlfriends during that time. The Judge may feel that you are too unstable to have the kids. So carefully examine your situation, and make any changes that your lawyer (or the custody evaluator) recommends.

PARENTAL ALIENATION

Parental alienation can be the basis for a request to modify custody,  This topic will be addressed in a future post.  Without going into an in depth analysis of parental alienation and its affect on custody, the above 2 step analysis can help you if or when to seek a custody modification.  Step 1 is to determine if alienation is occurring in the other house.  If so, then step 2 is to honestly look at your household to see if moving the child or children there can help them keep positive relationships with both parents.

HOW CAN YOU APPLY THIS TO YOUR SITUATION?

So when should you change custody? When you can successfully show both steps. This means that you have to keep an eye on the other household. Don't stalk your ex.  But do talk to mutual friends. Listen to your kids. VISIT your kids. Communicate with the other parent. Hire a private investigator, if necessary. But be aware of the household and of the atmosphere in which your children are being raised. And don't hesitate if you think that atmosphere has changed for the worse.

Again, your case must be presented according to Indiana’s custody modification statutes. And it must follow Indiana’s rules of civil procedure. But by keeping the above 2 steps in mind as you and your lawyer are preparing the case, it should make the presentation clear to the Judge that custody should be modified and changed to you.

WHAT IS MY NEXT STEP?

Use our CONTACT page to schedule a strategic review of your custody situation to help you determine if a custody modification is appropriate.  This review can also help you set the stage for a custody modification.